Survey Expert Gifts

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

When Engineers Crack.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"I see you have experience marking territory."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

Surveys and economic interests

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."

First and last day as census taker...

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'