Survey Participant Gifts

'For a chance to win back your wallet, visit my website and complete the online survey.'

"It's NBC. They want to know what it's personally worth to us for them to keep 'E.R.' on the air."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'Other than the countless probing how would you rate your stay with us?'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

First and last day as census taker...

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"...Apparently we're responsible for snow removal on that stretch of highway we adopted."

This survey will only take five minutes and will help me improve future floods.

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

"McNab here is with our consensus engineering department."

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

Unfortunately of the 78% of people who completed more than 56% of the survey 98% thought it was a complete waste of time

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'