Survey Participator Gifts

"He says if we do his survey now, he'll give us a fridge magnet."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'Yes, that person there...'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

First and last day as census taker...

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"...Apparently we're responsible for snow removal on that stretch of highway we adopted."

"And finally, would you say your fear of crime has increased?"

Suggestions Box

"d you say, 'better the devil you know,' or 'throw the rascal out' or 'other'?"

'But first, a few questions about life and death.'

'Sir, may I have five minutes of your time?' - 'Sure, I can do 9.30 to 9.35 next Tuesday.'

"Just how fed up with customer services feedback are you: (a) very (b) extremely (c) incandescent with rage (d) don't ask if you value your life?"

"It's NBC. They want to know what it's personally worth to us for them to keep 'E.R.' on the air."

Hamlet on interactive TV.

Census Interrogation

'For a chance to win back your wallet, visit my website and complete the online survey.'

Are you a Questionnaire Addict?

Survey results: 9 out of 10 angels feel that dancing on the head of a pin is demeaning and potentially quite hazardous.

"I knew we shouldn't have let Health and Safety run the self defence course!"

"I had a two-part dream last night."

Post-Life Survey

'We are too watching a game show. Baseball is a game.'

"Hi, I’m David and I’m here because I like to introduce myself to other people."

"No opinion, eh? Well, I'll put you down as 'lair.'"

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

'Do you feel more worthless or less worthless than you did a year ago?'

"I'm skipping 'Happy Hour,' Carl—it's Friday night—zen tennis clinic at the shul."

Random sample.

A Bird answering a questionnaire "Common or garden?"