Surrealist Comedy Lover Gifts

"I have to let you go. Sales are down, not to mention I'm losing my grip."

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Convenience.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Eugene Ionesco

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

A Grazing Shark

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

"Hi guys. I'm Lawyer man, and my power is of attorney."

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

Wearing radiation suits to clean the toilet

'Allow me to suck the electricity out.'

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

"Thank you all for attending this first conference of the surveillance camera recording industry."

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Pet Foods

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

Whaaaah!(Scarey ghost shaped fart).

"How come Dracula's hair looked so neat if he can't look in a mirror"