Surreal Strategist Gifts

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Trojan Hurdler.

Under new blame.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Coronavirus Windmills

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

"Take me to your thought leader."

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'Spock's expertise in M&A deal making was key to the formation of the Federation.'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

BP Waiter: Dinner is served!

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

Fermeture des restaurants: la résistance s'organise

"This is where the money will be spent. Oh, sorry. That's a picture of a black hole."

Coronavirus dancing around an EU flag

'We buy and sell them.'