Surgical Scenarios Fan Gifts

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Ticket and passport, please."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

Surgery Instructions.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"Good?"

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

Door-to-Door Liposuction.

"I warned you that collagen lip injections were not without risk, Mrs. Rawlinson."

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

The Surgeon Finds the Source of the Problem

"Hold it. I'd like a second opinion!"

'I think you've reached the mandatory retirement number of oopses.'

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

"We have male patient coming in who has a large parsnip stuck up his colon!"

'I know brain surgeons are suppose to be brilliant, but anybody can lose their car keys.'

Dr. Potato Head