Surgical Scenarios Fan Gifts

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

"Ticket and passport, please."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

Surgery Instructions.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Good?"

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

Door-to-Door Liposuction.

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

The Surgeon Finds the Source of the Problem

"Hold it. I'd like a second opinion!"

'I think you've reached the mandatory retirement number of oopses.'

"I warned you that collagen lip injections were not without risk, Mrs. Rawlinson."

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

"We have male patient coming in who has a large parsnip stuck up his colon!"

'I know brain surgeons are suppose to be brilliant, but anybody can lose their car keys.'