Surgical Procedure Fan Gifts

Surgery Instructions.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'I feel a leader should be approachable.'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"How do you feel about turning over?"

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

You're a sham, Al. In truth, I'm a mere shadow of my former sham, doctor. I was hoping you might help me get back to my old fake self.

Flying NHS Walk-in Centre

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'