Surgery Skeptic Gifts

'-OK, if you elect not to have the surgery, the insurance company offers six days and seven nights in Barbados.'

'Botox is one thing, but that's the last time I go to a liposuction party!'

"I told you that cheap liposuction was a bad idea."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Nose job.

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

'Really, doctor! Minor surgery is out of the question.'

'So what EXACTLY is it about liposuction that you're not happy with?'

Door-to-Door Liposuction.

'Good news, Mrs. Gibson'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"Did you get some work done?"

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Myth Diagnosis

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'