Supper Satirist Gifts

"It's burns night."

Your Dinner is in the Tin

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"I'm after the history section."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Inhospitality tent.

Boring Board Meeting

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"God help us, it's that guy."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

"All the better to ignore you with."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."