Menu Satirist Gifts

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'People soup again?'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Punkcakes

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Intolerant Chef

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

Commie Chef.