Supermarket Worker Gifts

'You're right; there's a frozen pea on the floor. I'll cordon off the area, sound the store alarm and call in the disposal experts.'

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

Meat Department

Woman stuck in frozen aisle.

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"You greedy selfish little git."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

Genetically modified plum tomatoes.

'Check the expiration date on those beans, They always put the oldest cans on the top,'

'Yes, it's full of chemicals.'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I keep telling you, William... you're stacking the cans too high!"

"You'll be wanting packet openers: scissors, sharp knife, dynamite?"

"Mind wiping that scanner first? There's no telling whose stuff has been dragged over it."

"Money? Why do you want money? Is my applause suddenly longer good enough for you?!"

Supermarket staff using Blackberries at specially created shelving area between fruit and vegetables.

Keyworker

"Your coupon is great, but we'll soon be switching over to this as our new crapto currency."

"It's a plutocrot - a cross between a plutocrat and an apricot."

ASDA Redundancies

Coronavirus Thank you to Shopkeepers.

"I found the offender with a stolen leg of lamb from the supermarket, Sir, and I asked him what he intended on doing with it. . ."

9 items or less at the gates of heaven

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

In Capitalism, Workers Lose Even When They Gain

But is it organic?

'Not another shipment of orange juice that is TOO concentrated and explodes.'

"I think I can detect an influence from her days as a check-out girl"

'Madam, if you were as dead as a fish you wouldn't smell so good either.'

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

'Let's take a break and go laugh at customers in the produce section trying to open those little plastic bags.'

"It's been terrible for business, but Mr. Davis worked here for 27 years and put it in his will that he be entombed here!"

10 Items or Less or Else.

'There's no strip club in this strip mall.'