Grocery Store Employee Gifts

"Orange juice, 1/2 lb. bacon, dozen eggs, bread, coffee..."

Woman stuck in frozen aisle.

Supermarket aisles - 'Good cholesterol' & 'Bad cholesterol'.

Regular ground beef, irregular ground beef.

'How can I be sure I'm getting 100% orange juice?'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

Don't have a hot flush....

'I'm thinking! I'm thinking!'

Inattention while stacking cans.

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

Iceberg Lettuce

'I heard the manager's picking up his new company car today.'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'We're all stockpiling. When my hummingbirds flew south, they were packing coolers.'

'What if your saliva's not organic?'

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Heat, Serve, Chew and Swallow.

"These aren't free samples. This is my lunch, dammit!"

'The cost of living has given this gentleman a migraine.'

'Whatever's easier for you to carry.'

Do they have to grow frozen vegetables in the winter?

"Aisle Nine, but be careful, because right next to it we sell dog food."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

''May you have 10 items or less and your coupons be current as you travel the Express Lane of life.' Old supermarket blessing.'

'The new incentive scheme seems to be working!'

"I don't get it, Mr. Johnson... the customers just aren't trying the stuff!"

"They call him the avocado whisperer. He knows when they are about to turn."

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"Do I know where the canned artichokes are? Most likely on some stalled container ship a thousand miles away."

"Officer, ever since I left the health food store, this celery has been stalking me."

"We should speak to Bob about appropriate ways to express customer appreciation!"

Self-Checkout

"He's a new bagger from the supermarket. He's really conscientious!"

"You were overheard saying you'd kill for a good tomato."

"And would you also like to make a $1 donation to my salary?"