Supermarket Employee Gifts

It all began with free-range chicken. Then it was organic vegetables. Next the farmers decided they should all take a year off to go find themselves.

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.

'Is that Net or Gross ?'

"Actually, can I have it in Tesco vouchers?"

'So next time we help a customer take from a pyramid stack, which can should we choose ?'

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

Jobs-a-plenty (grocery store sacker/shelf stacker).

"Well yes, we do accept coupons but..."

Supermarket trolley driver receives training.

'Cleanup on Aisle 4.'

Cheese Mystery

'Thinner!'

'Me? I'm non-union, so I can bearly afford to be invested in this market.'

Woman cashier meditating with 'Back in five minutes' sign on work top.

'You want the basket with the discarded shopping list, the torn plastic bag or the old manky leaf?'

'I knew they had formed a syndicate but didn't know they had won this week's record payout!'

'By Royal appointment, or with celebrity endorsement?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'It's just a casual job for the summer.'

'Miss Hodges...can you get me the handbook on grocer misconduct.'

'Where did you get the meat slicer? France.'

'Tomorrow you quit your job at the supermarket!'

Trying to beat the price rise.

Hell for cashiers.

"...And this breaking news just in...a major supermarket is set to close 120 stores, putting six people out of work."

"I'm afraid you may be overqualified for the shelf-stacking role."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Self Checkout

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

Supermarkets - The board was discussing sell-by dates - including yours.

Generic Products

"The computers went down at the supermarket, and everybody took it as a signal to go ahead and loot."

Shoulda Gone with Sexual Harassment Instead

"Ok. All checked out. Want me to round up the shopping carts in the parking lot, now?"