Supermarket Survivor Gifts

Hunting cavemen - 'We had that last week,'

Man unable to find checkout as signs say: 'Eight items or less','Cash only' and 'I'll think of something'.

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

Skeleton in supermarket checkout queue

'Uh - oh... it seems the cashout queue was really long today...'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Trolley Rage.

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

"I couldn't get them apart. Will five trolleys be alright?"

Static Cling Peaches.

Complaints department

Eggs broken by next customer signs

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

Super express lane for working mothers only!

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Wild fruit

Till malfunction

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Bobsleigh practice.

"We've got a real feisty one here. We caught it trying to cross the stream behind the store."

"There it sat, still as night, in the bagging area ..."

Supermarket customer types.

Christmas Special Shopping Trolley.

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

"Get a move on, my tranquillizer is wearing off!"

"It's the kind of trade you get at an all-night supermarket, kid."

The Store That's All Closed-Up

"They had a special offer at the Supermarket."