Shopper's Survivor Gifts

"Hunger and thirst were bad. . . some people around me collapsed. . . and by the time I got home the kids were grown up and my wife had long since remarried. . . well, Ed. . . that was one hell of a long cash desk queue!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Smart card.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"Why does your men's clothing store need a loan?" "During the pandemic sales of pants have dropped way off."

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

Shopping Torture

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Till malfunction

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'SHOP!!!'

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

Mother has strait jacket on son to control him at super market.

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'

Complaints department

'We both know that you didn't catch that in the wild, sweety. Now put the fish in the cart, and go grab us some of that really soft toilet paper.'

"Get a move on, my tranquillizer is wearing off!"

The Store That's All Closed-Up

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

Woman trying on clothes and ripping them - Breakages to be paid for.

'Do these pants make me look fat?'

'Well, that's the lot, Miss Jones - you're fired!'

"Money talks. It says, 'spend me'."