Shopping Survivalist Gifts

Batteries Not Included.

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Smart card.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"It's from an American company that wants to do some outsourcing!"

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

Shopping Torture

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

"Why does your men's clothing store need a loan?" "During the pandemic sales of pants have dropped way off."

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Final clearance sale.

Till malfunction

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'I went window shopping today. I came home with four double glazed units!'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"But I actually wanted something specific...!"

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

'Where are the jockey shorts?'

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'

'We both know that you didn't catch that in the wild, sweety. Now put the fish in the cart, and go grab us some of that really soft toilet paper.'

"What really would be fun is if eBay had some department stores we could go to."

The Store That's All Closed-Up

Complaints department