Superfan Gifts

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

"Yeah. Can you believe they're planning on having church on Super Bowl Sunday?!"

'Ordinarily, Lauren, sports fans are not dangerous. But Mr. Hill is a rabid sports fan and he needs treatment.'

'Lenny NEVER had any problems with cramped seats at football games - like most people do.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

Soccer Fans.

Last ESPN highlights next 250 miles.

Die-hard soccer moms.

"He can't stop digressing."

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Love.

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

Star Wars convention...

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

Back in the football stadium - without face masks and social distancing!

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

Yeah, right, like Superman was the only flavor they had. Ice cream.

A man imagines flying as a superhero.

'Before I met you, I didn't know any of the sitcom characters by their first names,'

"All I said was, do we have to watch your telenovela tonight."

"O.K., let's see what all the fuss is about."

"I'm pretty sure my parents' homeowners insurance will cover it."

What can I get you? An explanation about why Disney can't do what we all want the to do … and have the folks who made Rogue One go back and remake the super-lame Star Wars prequel trilogy. Would you like the inaccurate explanation or the accurate one? Inaccurate would be lovely, please. It's too soon to remake "Phantom Menace." Plus it'd be confusing. Besides, the prequels were good enough. What're you talking about? It's been 18 years since "Phantom Menace." And movies get rebooted all the time

Noah's Art Sports Network. Are we all set for the Super Bowl broadcast? I think so. The turtle will handle the pregame show which seems to drag on forever. A zebra will be brought on to analyze close calls referees have to make. The sloth is in charge of slow motion shots. And color will be provided by the chameleon. Thankfully, there's a retractable roof over at the stadium. That's good. The forecast says there's a possibility of a little rain.

"Hmm, that's interesting, but can you ask the voices in your head to zip it till I hear the score?"

'Off to pay your last respects,darling?'

Nate was Martha Stewart's biggest fan. 'Hi, I'm Nate. I love all your work.I can't tell you how excited I am to finally meet you!'