Sunday League Superstar Gifts

Mickey's on fire at the moment.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Football

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

Children playing football.

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

The Goalkeeper

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

Cristiano Ronaldo

A woman watches football on her computer.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Wilfried Zaha

Soccer coach of the year.

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

Gareth Bale

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

Lionel Messi

Boy with soccer spot patch on eye next to pirate.

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

Brownie Points

Goal

Professional football.

Football Planet

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

Footballers - Henrik Larrson

U.S. World Cup Frenzy

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'I don't mind being sent off Sir - but not during the warm-up!'

"Here comes the other team...that's their coach, strength train, game strategist and sports psychologist."