Soccer Squad Star Gifts

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Football

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ball as water-melon.

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Jumping cheerleaders

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'I think I've scored.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

The Goalkeeper

Children playing football.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

Soccer coach of the year.

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Cristiano Ronaldo

Wilfried Zaha

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

A woman watches football on her computer.

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Football player taking the ball home.

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

Gareth Bale