Soccer Stars Gifts

'Where are we supposed to play now?'

Football Fans

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Football

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ball as water-melon.

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'I think I've scored.'

The Goalkeeper

Children playing football.

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Soccer coach of the year.

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

A woman watches football on her computer.

Wilfried Zaha

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

Football player taking the ball home.

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Gareth Bale