Senior Superstar Gifts

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

Cleaning the Horse

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.

Nice custom job, Bill!

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

'They wanted us to take the knee before kick off, but I was worried half of us might not be able to get up again'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

Lester adhered to his morning exercise regime.

'I think our fans are excited for us. It just doesn't seem like it because of doing 'The Wave' they do 'The Still Water'.'

Sports for slipper wearers.

'Sometimes I wish I was all thumbs, then I could text faster.'

Old husband is knitted over by old wife.

6 Yard Dash with only three competitors.