Stadium Superstar Gifts

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

Back in the football stadium - without face masks and social distancing!

Football drummer

'I had three catches dropped today.' - 'Yes, but the were dropped by spectators in the stand.'

'Needless to say, discus-thrower Bill Nordlander went to college on a full athletic scholarship.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

Soccer Fans.

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

A baseball game is played in an ancient Roman arena; the emperor gives a thumbs-down signal, declaring a player to be out of the game

Open Mic Night

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

Wages of footballer.

'I think our fans are excited for us. It just doesn't seem like it because of doing 'The Wave' they do 'The Still Water'.'

'Why can't we have a simple warning track like every other team?!'

"You know, if it wasn't for the players, we'd have a good team."

An Olympian's Moment

'Hey man, I'm going to try water boarding next.'

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: Finally figuring out all the words to the national anthem.

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.