Stadium Superstar Gifts

George Best

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

Football drummer

'I had three catches dropped today.' - 'Yes, but the were dropped by spectators in the stand.'

Back in the football stadium - without face masks and social distancing!

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Needless to say, discus-thrower Bill Nordlander went to college on a full athletic scholarship.'

A baseball game is played in an ancient Roman arena; the emperor gives a thumbs-down signal, declaring a player to be out of the game

Soccer Fans.

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

Open Mic Night

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

'I think our fans are excited for us. It just doesn't seem like it because of doing 'The Wave' they do 'The Still Water'.'

Wages of footballer.

'Why can't we have a simple warning track like every other team?!'

'An off-white entertainment giant that's been in and out of favour with the public - what better place for Jacko's comeback?'

"You know, if it wasn't for the players, we'd have a good team."

'Hey man, I'm going to try water boarding next.'

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: Finally figuring out all the words to the national anthem.

'We still can't afford to modernize the visitors dugout.'