Suit Sleuth T-Shirts

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

The Modern Godot

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

Secret Service Dogs

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'Going up?'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

Two men converse secretively

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

Advanced Password Hint

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.