Sugar Tax Analyst Gifts

"I'm not taking any chances."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

Bored Baker

'Keep a lid on it!'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

'These continuous tax increases will be the death of us.'

'Why I'm not my cheery self? It's tax-time...'

'Wasn't that the Chancellor?'

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

Of Congress can't come to an agreement on a spending plan...

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

'If this warning label on cigarettes packets doesn't stop people smoking, nothing will.'

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.

'My teacher says that your tax cut favors the rich.'

Council tax inspector notes dog kennel: 'Clearly, this property has its own entrance.'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

Work life balance - "Tonight we're going to read about how Spiderman got the firms quarterly VAT returns in on time."

"I just can't resist...it's the nature of the beast in me!"