Suction Savvy Gifts

'Ah, does anyone know how to adjust the suction?'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Hacking through ice in order to fish

"I just..."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

'Nice try, Mom! They're pinking shears.'

Fluff It Up. A hairdresser creates an amazing Afro.

The usual? My daughter's all over me about dyeing my hair. I want to go totally natural! Fine. Which would you like? Natural ash, honest honey or real platinum blonde? Which does Mother Nature use?

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

"If I'm not being too personal, how much do you pay for a cord of wood?"

Pigs are shocked by the fate of the piggy bank.

'Yep, this model was recalled. But you're the first customer to bring back a used one.'

'Just a trim or the usual three bags full?'

So it's agreed then, we should move health and safety to the top of our agenda."

"What have you been up to lately?"

'I'm afraid there's no change in the patient.'

"Remember, new customers get the slightly discounted Triple Bundle. Current customers who complain about their bill get the slightly discounted Pacifier Package."

"It's our best seller. Of course, I would highly recommend you buy the extended warranty."

"Is that really necessary?"

'I guess it was inevitable.'

'Savings on Merchandise'

"Gee, you smell good. What are you wearing?" "Pepper spray."

Nelly's Nail Solon

"We're all slimming from the manager down!"

'Given the medication you're on, Larry, maybe you ought to go home!'

"He was in here yesterday. Halfway through he ran out without paying."