Shovel Savvy Gifts

Hacking through ice in order to fish

"Tommy!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

Snowman Driver

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

'It never fails. The mud's always one inch higher than my boots.'

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

Charging to a 10,000 Dow?

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'Take ten years off the top.'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

'They say gemstones have properties for relieving stress. . . once you get past the stress of paying for them.'

'I think someone wants you to search for buried bones.'

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

"Careful, underneath that layer of snow there's a layer of confusion."

Stock market news.

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

"The good news is that the stock market is doing much better."

Parking meter holdup

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

"You're new around here."

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'