Suck-up Specialist Gifts

I frame all yours, JB.

Soup of the month.

God's Subcontractors

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Swimming Prankster

The Inexperienced Cook

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'It's slobberin' time!'

'Maybe you should try flowers?'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

Women Seeking Men

'HEY,no Tongue!'

Spud U Like/Spud U Don't Like.

Now that we've invented language and bipedalism, we can do stand-up comedy!

'There's an inspector here from the Board of Health who would like to see the chicken soup.'

"Cookies now? Or cookies later?"

"There he goes again! What on earth does he do with it all?!"

Vet checks fish's heartbeat with a stethoscope through fish bowl.

'You only caught one?'

'Baby's teething.'

I hate to tell you this, but that's a can of maple syrup, not motor oil.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

'Have you found contact lenses in your soup?'

An attempt at kitchen cabinet stand-up comedy. Dinner is on me tonight!

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

"Cough! Cough! Cough! Hack-hack! Cough! cough! cough!"

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

'Tastes just like the cans of soup my Mom used to open and heat.'

'For $10.95 can I interest you in our deluxe wash and wax?'

'He's got a dreadful cold - everytime he sneezes he covers the place in soot'.

Fortune teller buying the 'soup of tomorrow'.