Mix-up Specialist Gifts

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"You know what they say, time flies when you're having rum!"

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

'What is wrong with brother Sebastian?'

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'You say it's milk, oh, oh, I must have hooked up the wrong pipes.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."

"Didn't you want to plant a tree with our grandchild?"

"Alright Mr. Caldwell, you're all sewn up. Please be sure to fill out the online survey and don't forget to tip. Thanks."

"I think there's been a clerical error!"

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

"Now that's she mastered martinis, let's move on to daquiris."