Mix-up Enthusiast Gifts

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Animal Hospital.

"Ah...I see your mistake. We're, Proctor and Proctor. You're looking for the proctologist, next door."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"Hold it a second. I want to watch this."

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Busy mom drops a child off at the kennels and is on her way to dropping the dog off at kindergarten.

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

Gone with the Wind in the Willows

'George...George! Have you seen the fly-spray anywhere?'

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

"I think there's been a clerical error!"

Alternative acupuncture.

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '