Suburban Strategist Gifts

'We are neighbours, officer.'

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

Poker Moms

Mowing the Lawn

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

"O.K. So when we have a party, we won't ask them."

"He loves his leaf blower."

"Ok, if I make this one, you have to stop hitting on my wife."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"'Scuse me, you getting out?"

"That does it! - if the Anderson's have the bomb, then we have to have it too..!!!"

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"The trees are laughing at us."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Hard Hat Area/Hard Nosed Area.

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Artificial Isle

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"Did you order takeout?"

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

"This is my stop, Phil, you'll be C.E.O. till Sixty-third Street."

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.