Suburb Analyst Gifts

Great Urban Sprawl

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"He loves his leaf blower."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Tortured Plank

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

"We wanted to replicate their natural habitat, so we built a housing estate."

Skimming out star reflections

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'Wow, the support for legalizing marijuana is really picking up!'

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

"There exists within each of us the infinite potential to become the neighbor from hell."

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Poker Moms

Now Selling - All-these-houses-look-alike-but-it's-what-you-do-with-them Acres.

Man clears up wrapping paper with a leaf blower.

The citizens of Fullerton, Nebraska, celebrate the historic meeting of East and West Coast Suburban Sprawl.

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Mowing the Lawn

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

Burbivore