Suburban Living Gifts

"Shhhh. 3-bedroom, 2-bath ranch, attached garage, good schools...dead ahead."

"I take it this means the barbeque is ready."

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Beware of the Lawn

"Don't look now, but I believe your snake is strangling that dog."

The suburbs are calling to me.

Siren of suburbia

Organic Curses

"Hello Loft Living? Could you send a rescue party to suburbia?"

'It's my first dog house with indoor plumbing.'

Dog looks at kennel and says to cat: 'I couldn't imagine getting by without my little place in the country.'

Surburban Puzzle.

Did you know that suburban white males have over 100 words for "lawn"?

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Suburban blues legends

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

"This happy breed of men, this little world, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this east end of Long Island!"

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Wifi in Hell

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

No Immediate Danger