Moving To Suburbia Gifts

Autumn Leaves

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"I'm going green, too. I'm finally going to mow the lawn."

Mark and Gwyneth had a dark secret. At night, once the curtains were closed to the suburban world outside, the facade they put up to the neighbours was revealed to be 100 genuine...they were totally boring.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Picking pastries.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

''Now we're the only yard in the block with a blue apple tree!'

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

Beware of the Lawn

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

'Hoy Mr Woodpecker: Some of us are trying to sleep here!'

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."