Moving To Suburbs Gifts

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

'Sure it's a long commute, but I can decompress when I'm home.'

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Picking pastries.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"The homes in this area are beautiful."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

''Now we're the only yard in the block with a blue apple tree!'

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

Beware of the Lawn

'Hoy Mr Woodpecker: Some of us are trying to sleep here!'

Tortured Plank

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."