Suburbs Gifts

Welcome to Mudville. There is no joy, but we've got a Starbucks.

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

All-Christopher Neighborhood, Westport, CT, 1988

Burbivore

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

Tortured Plank

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants a Garden - Part 1

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

Skimming out star reflections

"I can remember when this was all farmland."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Dad's home."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

Single Family Home Sanctuary

Autumn Leaves

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

The Burbs