Suburban Lifestyle Gifts

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Welcome?

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Dog Walking Services

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

No Immediate Danger

City Marathon.

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Packed like sardines

The Streets - Night

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

Mr Metrosexual.