Suburban Lifestyle Gifts

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Joe Biden Voters Enthusiastically Embrace the Death of Hope and Change

Welcome?

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Dog Walking Services

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Wifi in Hell

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

No Immediate Danger

City Marathon.

The Streets - Night

Packed like sardines

Mr Metrosexual.

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Is Driving Doomed?

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."