Suburbia Life Gifts

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Beware of the Lawn

Tortured Plank

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants a Garden - Part 1

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

Skimming out star reflections

"I can remember when this was all farmland."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

Single Family Home Sanctuary

"Dad's home."

Autumn Leaves

"Yes, I can remember when it was nothing but forest land as far as you could see."

The Burbs

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."