Suburban Dweller Gifts

Skimming out star reflections

'Hey, you in the house! I don't run on batteries, you know!'

Welcome to Mudville. There is no joy, but we've got a Starbucks.

Tortured Plank

'I'm getting really tired of your dog doing his business on my lawn!'

"Can I help you?"

Now Selling - All-these-houses-look-alike-but-it's-what-you-do-with-them Acres.

Overhearing the neighbours.

"You know that summer's arrived when you can hear four different radio stations from your own lawn."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

'Not at all.'

Mr. Briggs finds that his newly painted gates have been drawn all over by rude boys.

Joe Biden Voters Enthusiastically Embrace the Death of Hope and Change

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

"Open house today 3-5"

"You don’t seem pleased to have a former royal as a neighbor."

Man clears up wrapping paper with a leaf blower.

Pull-Start Lawnmower.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story