Suburban King Gifts

"What are you looking at?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"He loves his leaf blower."

Channelling on the Cheap

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Beware of the Lawn

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Word is that since we increased your case load, you've been living at the office."

Tortured Plank

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

Lawrence of Suburbia

Skimming out star reflections

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Dad's home."

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

The King Of L.A.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

The free and sovereign republic of the ninth floor.

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Suburban blues legends