Suburban King Gifts

"What are you looking at?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"He loves his leaf blower."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

Channelling on the Cheap

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Word is that since we increased your case load, you've been living at the office."

Tortured Plank

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

Skimming out star reflections

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

"Dad's home."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

"I'm a Big Apple kinda guy, stuck in the Garden State."

The King Of L.A.

"I negotiated. He's going to let us suffocate in our own ennui!"

The free and sovereign republic of the ninth floor.

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Suburban blues legends