Style Expert Gifts

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Bad hair day!

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

'She's so put together!'

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"This is daring, but I like it."

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

A women in a shoeshop.

Pampered and poodled.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Keeping warm.

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Shoe addict.

"Absolutely not!"

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

My Bangs: A Play in 5 Acts

The Young Ladies' Young Gentleman

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

At the suit makers

Mr Metrosexual.

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"I don't like your application."