Studio Head Gifts

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"Quick! The ideas are hatching!"

Music producers.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'Hang on a minute...'

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Studio in December

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Hollywood Think Tank

'All of my paints dried up in their tubes, so I decided to quit painting and become a sculptor.'

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.

God's studio assistants

Recording Studio

Looks like the band and the sound engineer in studio 8 had a difference of opinion again.

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

'Okay,GREAT,that's perfect! Now don't move!'

"Ready now, Miss Henderson."

'I'm a mess — will you go see who's at the door?'

'I know.. Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

Hollywood Studio - 'We can only pay you $20million for your next film - video piracy is killing the film industry.'

"Cholesterol medicine commercial, Take 3. This time, try to sound less horrified when you say, 'May cause heart to explode through ears'."

'You're supposed to draw something.'

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

'Was the flash too bright?'

"No offense, Lou, but you're a money guy, not a movie guy."

'Unfortunately, he's very productive in paintings, not money.'

State of the art computing purchases become obsolete in the time it takes to purchase it.

'Playing out of tune doesn't make it a remix!'