Strip Mall Explorer T-Shirts

'There's no strip club in this strip mall.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

No Elgar!

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

Fist Bumper Cars

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Tunnel of Whale Guts

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Unusual Offers

"I'm part of the problem and loving it!"

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

"I'll try them on at home. You can just return what doesn't fit."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

Mall of ages

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

Sign on a sale bin at a bookstore that reads "Latte-Damaged Books".

"Now hold on just a minute! Salad - fine! Chick flix - fine! But I draw the line on video games!"

'That's not the northern lights! It's new strip mall!'

Plane Yogurt.

Mall Ahead - Be prepared to shop.

I'm nervous, Sadie. Relax, Darlene. It's your bachelorette party. But an all-male revue – It sounds gross. Men go to strip clubs, why can't we? Besides, this place is a classy international venue. Palais des Beefcakes? Show us your pecs!