Stress Relief Humor Gifts

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"When I said, 'I want you to sleep on it'. I menat when you go home tonight."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'The Neurosis Pack.'

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

Agoraphobic Explorer

Dinosaurs Anonymous

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"

Arm puncture...

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

'So tell me, Doc...am I cracked or not?'

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

"My boyfriend is insanely jealous. He does nothing all day but watch cartoons and plot revenge on any other men I talk to."

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"It turns out your problem is not chronic fatigue. You're just dog tired."

"I have very few things in life to worry about. . . and that is making me worried."

'I sense that you're experiencing a bit stress. They say that shopping is therapeutic. How about joining my Mom and I this weekend!'