Street Humor Aficionado Gifts

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

A dog on the sidewalk has a 'walk me' sign, begging for a walk.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

Walk, Don't Walk, Laugh.

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

Next Terrifying Military Threats

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"

A street salesman selling winkles.

'My beer's not cloudy. The glasses are dirty.'

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

"Goddam Dogs."

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

"I believe they're a debt collection agency."

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

"Sorry mate, I'm just off home, but there's an all night dealer down the road."

If injury lawyers said what they really mean.

Beggar with a sign that reads 'Need a rare 1905 Buffalo nickel to complete my collection- thanks!'

What Should Jeff Bezos Do With "His" $131 Billion?

Chugger

"This parking space ain’t big enough for the two of us."

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'Well you should be able to see other countries around Britain...there's nothing wrong with the equipment.'

Walk/Don't Walk/Laugh

'Our accounting errors were due to the fact that we didn't have duplicate copies.'

Affordable Food Delivery For Everyone... Introducing Poor Dash!

Pot hole.

Two water towers, 'HOT, COLD'.