Stout Sipper Pillows

'You are what you drink. In your case it's stout.'

"When you've seen one bottle of stout you've seen the lot."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

City Boy.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

The last song before the party exploded.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Beach flirting

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Anton's Bar and Grill

Complaints Desk

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

A very fine vintage

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'Will you stop yelling save the whales and finish you pina colada?'