Storytime Magician Gifts

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

The louder the kid, the tighter the lid.

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."