Storytime Fun Gifts

"Mom, what season is it when the leaves fall off the trees and are replaced with plastic bags?"

"Little Red Riding Hood should have carried pepper spray."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Swan Fairy Tales

"Just let her believe in fairies a little while longer."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"