Storyteller Of Numbers Gifts

"I thought I could wait until the last minute until I found out QuickBooks aren't novels you can read fast."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Staff Yearbook

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

Accountant Manqué

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Pi fight!

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

Dollars Press Conference

Pandora's box.

New For Halloween! Sexy C.P.A.

Here We Go Again

"Of course there's emotion in business. Has your heart never skipped a beat at the sight of a long string of zeros after a seven."

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

'But the short term view is very good.'