Numbers Enthusiast Gifts

Cooking The Books.

'Just a darn minute! -- Yesterday you said that X equals two!'

'These numbers put us in a very difficult position.'

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my treasurer's report.

"I just don't see how an index fund tied to batting averages actually works."

'According to our research 56% of the 34% of people responded to the 48% of questionnaires sent out thought the statistics were meaningless.'

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

'We're pretty sure we've got all the right figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!'

Jones and Shayes - Certified Public Accountants. Scales outside offer to tell your weight and tax bracket.

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"...or shall we go through the whole charade?"

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."

Staff Yearbook

'How would you describe yourself?'

Business/Pleasure charts.

'Who knows how long these are...?'

"OMG, not the Milton Fernby of Accounting?!"

"Look! I've invented 'numbers' -- Now we can digitize everything!"

'Much as I appreciate the ethos of non-profit-making companies, I didn't intend us to become one...'

"We all have to start at the bottom, Richard."

"The guy didn't take even one unauthorized deduction. . . I ask you, what kind of American is that?"

"I don't get Math. First we use numbers, now it's letters. It's becoming so complicated."

"I'm a man of few words, but many numbers."

Maths

"Okay, I'll explain the math problem to you one more time, Daddy..then I've got to finish my homework, okay!"

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

"Say, aren't you my opposite number at McMillan and bell?"

"Have you heard about the UK's rate of growth?"

Bank. Checking and Savings. With direct deposit of your paycheck and auto payment of your bills, we completely do away with the illusion that you actually ever see any of your money.

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

It's an arithmetic class. Stop calling it a "numbers racket"!

IRS. No, it doesn't make me proud to know that I paid more in taxes than ten major corporations combined.

'7.5% want to be statisticians.'

Wishful Thinking