Crunching Numbers Aficionado Gifts

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Staff Yearbook

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

Pork Bellies.

'Is that why our games of hide and seek are over so quickly?'

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"Well, I think we've proved our point...you want to push it, or should I?"

'I used to be dull and boring then, one day, I discovered accountancy.'

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

'How would you describe yourself?'

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

'It's true

Retrofitting Tax Loopholes Since 1968.

Room for Error

'We're pretty sure we've got all the right figures, we're just not sure what order to put them in!'

Lester crosses that very fine line separating cost accounting from performance art...

"Workboy"

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."

Hoping to soften its image, the IRS devises the singing audit-gram.